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Title	Deep Thoughts Part 1 #Funny
ID	5257132307120128
Created	10 years ago, 1417466601444
Updated	10 years ago, 1423355042187
Code	var moving = false; //Change to true if you want "Deep Thoughts" to start moving /*Part two: http://www.khanacademy.org/computer-programming/deep-thoughts-part-2-funny/6116274613780480 * * Part Three: * http://www.khanacademy.org/computer-programming/deep-thoughts-part-3-funny/6462844987244544 * * Sanity Text * https://www.khanacademy.org/computer-programming/weird-test-finally-finished/5148804474208256 * * NOTE: To everyone that hates this: * I don't care. Repeat I DON'T CARE * * Thanks * * Top List Position: 192nd */ var coder = "Joseph Love"; var author = "Jack Handey"; var logo = function() { var i = "\u2671"; fill(0); textSize(60); text(i, 0, 49); textSize(15); text("JL Programs", 28, 14); }; var p = 0; var dt; //18, 107, 370, 350 var x = 18; var y = 107; var w = 370; var h = 350; var xx = 80; var yy = 49; var speed = 1; var fade = 0; var anotherSpeed = 1; var wi = getImage("creatures/Winston"); var Background=function(){ background(0); for(var i = 0; i < 100; i++) { stroke(0); strokeWeight(1); fill(0, 255, 255, 75); ellipse(random(5, 395), random(3, 395), 10, 10); } }; mouseClicked = function() { if(mouseX > 285 && mouseX < 385 && mouseY > 330 && mouseY < 390) { p++; } }; var draw = function() { background(255); if(mouseX > 285 && mouseX < 385 && mouseY > 330 && mouseY < 390) { cursor.call(0, HAND); }else{ cursor.call(0, ARROW); } Background(); logo(); strokeWeight(5); stroke(55, 200, 200); noFill(); rect(285, 335, 100, 50, 20); fill(55, 200, 200); textSize(20); text("NEXT", 310, 367); textSize(40); fill(0, 255, 255, 200); text("Deep Thoughts!", xx, yy); fill(55, 200, 200); if(moving === true) { xx = xx + speed; yy = yy + anotherSpeed; if(xx > 145) { speed = -1; } if(xx < 0) { speed = 1; } if(yy > 400) { anotherSpeed = -1; } if(yy < 30) { anotherSpeed = 1; } } if(moving === false) { xx = 80; yy = 49; } textSize(15); text("ALL CREDIT TO JACK HANDEY\nAN EX-WRITER FROM SATURDAY\nNIGHT LIVE", 20, 337); if(p === 0) { textSize(20); image(wi, 127, 175, 150, 150); text("Programmed By Joseph Love\n\n\nWritten by Jack Handey (Saturday Night Live)", 20, 100); } textSize(25); if(author !== "Jack Handey") { throw("Copyright © 1992 by Jack Handey: ALL Rights Reserved"); } if(coder !== "Joseph Love") { throw("No Plagarizing"); } { if(p === 1) { dt = "If you ever fall off the Sears Tower, just go real limp, because maybe you'll look like a dummy and people will try to catch you because, hey, free dummy!"; text(dt, x, y, w, h); } if(p === 2) { dt = 'If a kid asks where rain comes from, I think a cute thing to tell him is "God is crying." And if he asks why God is crying, another cute thing to tell him is "Probably because of something you did"'; text(dt, x, y, w, h); } if(p === 3) { dt ="To me, boxing is like a ballet, except there's no music, no choreography, and the dancers hit each other."; text(dt, x, y, w, h); } if(p === 4) { dt = "Better not take a dog on the Space Shuttle, because if he sticks his head out when you're coming home his face might burn up"; text(dt, x, y, w, h); } if(p === 5) { dt = "Contrary to popular belief, the most dangerous animal is not the lion or tiger or even the elephant. The most dangerous animal is a shark riding on an elephant just trampling and eating everything they see."; text(dt, x, y, w, h); } if(p === 6) { dt = "I guess of all my uncles, I liked Uncle Cave Man the best. We called him Uncle Cave Man because he lived in a cave and because sometimes he'd eat one of us. Later on we found out he was a bear"; text(dt, x, y, w, h); } if(p === 7) { dt = "Anytime I see something screech across a room and latch onto someone's neck, and the guy screams and tries to get it off, I have to laugh, because what IS that thing?!"; text(dt, x, y, w, h); } if(p === 8) { dt = "If you're a horse, and someone gets on you, and falls off, and then gets right back on you, I think you should buck him off right away."; text(dt, x, y, w, h); } if(p === 9) { dt = "If you define cowardice as running away at the first sign of danger, screaming and tripping and begging for mercy, they yes, Mister Brave Man, I guess I am a coward."; text(dt, x, y, w, h); } if(p === 10) { dt = "Blow ye winds,\nLike the trumpet blows;\nBut without the noise."; text(dt, x, y, w, h); } if(p === 11) { dt = 'When the age of the Vikings came to a close, they must have sensed it. Probably, they gathered together one evening, slapped each other on the back and said, "Hey, good job."'; text(dt, x, y, w, h); } if(p === 12) { dt = "If you go parachuting, and your parachute doesn't open, and your friends are all watching you fall, I think a funny gag would be to pretend you were swimming."; text(dt, x, y, w, h); } if(p === 13) { dt = "The face of a child can say it all, especially the mouth part of the face."; text(dt, x, y, w, h); } if(p === 14) { dt = "If you're in a boxing match, try not to let the other guy's glove touch your lips, because you don't know where that glove has been."; text(dt, x, y, w, h); } if(p === 15) { dt = "Martha says the interesting thing about fly fishing is that it's two lives connected by a thin strand. Come on, Martha. Grow up."; text(dt, x, y, w, h); } if(p >= 16) { dt = "This concludes part one :'( I'll see you in Part Two! Don't forget to vote up if I made you laugh! "; text(dt, x, y, w, h); rect(285, 335, 100, 50, 20); } } };
Folds
Fork	false
Key	ag5zfmtoYW4tYWNhZGVteXIXCxIKU2NyYXRjaHBhZBiAgND916qrCQw
Votes	388
Spin-Offs	18
Type	PJS
Width	400
Height	400
User Flagged	false
Origin Scratchpad	null
Hidden From Hotlist	false
Restricted Posting	false
By Child	false
Author Nick	ⅉ𝐨𝐬𝐞𝐩𝐡ℒ𝐨𝐯𝐞
Author Name	JosephLove2143
Author ID	kaid_45708407678882271470606
Author Profile Access	COACH

Archive Data

Added	6 months ago, 1739378317592
Updated	6 months ago, 1739378324830
Source Deleted	unknown