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Title	20 Jokes Only Intellectuals Will Understand
ID	5772862586617856
Created	11 years ago, 1397849543734
Updated	6 years ago, 1563940227089
Code	/************************************************************************************* * CAN WE GET TO 600 VOTES?! * * Check this out: * * https://www.khanacademy.org/cs/10-facts-that-will-blow-your-mind/6350204478423040 * ************************************************************************************* * 20 Jokes was made on April 18, 2014 * * at about 2:33 PM Central Time * **************************************** * 20 Jokes Created by Hades 2014 * ****************************************** * Don't forget to vote up, spin-off, and * * Share! It means a lot to me! * * **************************************** * Credit: * * DillingerLee for excellent template * * RadioActive for background ******** * Me for working on this program ********************* * And most of all, Salman Khan, for making this program possible * * RECEPTION: ************************************** * 1st on the HOT LIST * * WAAAY down on the TOP LIST*************************** * "These jokes are so funny!"- jonah.castruccio * * "I was dying of laughter"- Jocelyn ****************** * "Hahahahaha"- Elaina Michelle * * "Awesome Jokes!"- Thomas Horsten * * "Really Funny"- lukemar9140 * * "So funny :D"- MatthewAllGood ********************** * "Funniest joke book I've seen in my life!"- ACPenguin * * "Soooooo funny!"- soccerboy101 ********************** * "That was funny!"- GodIsReal * * "LMAO"- Rakesh * * "Interesting!"- Sophia ************** * "This is totally funny! LOL xD"- movieepicisEPIC*************** * "I absolutely LOVE Joke #6!"- WillWorkForCandy * ****************************************************************/ / ______ __ __ \| \| \| / \ \|\ \| \| / \| \| \|_\| /___ \ \| \ \| \|/ \|__ \| \| \| / \ \| \\| \|\ ___\| _/ _/ _/ _/ _/_/ _/ _/ _/ _/ _/ _/ _/ _/ _/_/ _/ _/_/ _/_/_/_/ _/_/_/_/ _/ _/ _/ _/ _/ _/ _/ _/ _/ _/ _/_/ _/ _/ _/ _/ _/ _/ _/ _/ _/_/ _/_/_/ _/_/ _/_/_/ _/_/_/_/ _/ _/ _/ _/ _/ _/ _/ _/ _/ _/ _/ _/ _/_/ _/_/ _/ _/ _/_/_/_/ _/ _/_/_/_/ _/ _/ _/_/_/ _/ _/ _/ _/ _/ _/ _/ _/ _/ _/ _/ _/ _/ _/ _/ _/ _/ _/_/_/ _/ _/ _/_/_/ _/_/_/_/ _/ _/ _/ ****/ var Background=function(){ background(246, 250, 135); fill(0, 0, 255);strokeWeight(1);stroke(163, 194, 255); for(var Backgroundi = -375; Backgroundi < 478 ; Backgroundi = Backgroundi + 24){ line(-400, Backgroundi, 400, Backgroundi);} fill(255, 0, 0);stroke(255, 0, 0); line(15,427,13,-19); }; // The Starting State of the Game var gameState = "beginning"; // Load Images. There are only 2, but you can add more var orangeSquid = getImage ("avatars/orange-juice-squid"); var purplePi = getImage ("avatars/purple-pi"); var dinoU = getImage("avatars/piceratops-ultimate"); //Logo var logo = function() { image(dinoU,55,139,130,130); fill(255, 162, 0); textSize(25); text("A Program\nby Hades",223,211); }; // Declare Variables used by drawButton Function var overButton; var buttonHeight = 22; var buttonPressed = false; // The button has not been pressed. // Create a reusable Button function var drawButton = function(buttonText, x, y, length, color){ overButton = false; // Mouse over state var v = 180; var vb = 220; var val = v; fill(0, 0, 0, 100); // Drop Shadow using Alpha noStroke(); // No border around button Shadow rect(x - 2, y + 2, length, buttonHeight + 1, 3); // Detect if Mouse is over Button if(mouseX >= x && mouseX <= x + length && mouseY >= y && mouseY <= y + buttonHeight){ val = vb; overButton = true; if(mouseIsPressed){ x -= 2; // Move Button 2 Pixels if Pressed y += 2; } } strokeWeight(2); // Button Outline Color stroke(100, 0, 150); fill(val); rect(x, y, length, buttonHeight, 2); textAlign(CENTER, CENTER); fill(0); textSize(12); text(buttonText, x + length / 2, y + buttonHeight / 2); }; // Begin Game Loop draw = function(){ Background(); // What is drawn is determined by the Variable gameState switch(gameState){ / X-X-X-X-X-X-X- THE BOOK STARTS HERE -X-X-X-X-X-X-X / case "beginning": // Begin Intro Page of book here textSize(27); fill(26, 13, 13); text("20 Jokes That Only Intellectuals Can Understand", 12, -11, 391, 78); textSize(32); text("by Hades", 10, 322, 390, 52); logo(); // Draw Button 'yourName' at whatever Position you like drawButton('NEXT', 345, 372, 50, 50); if(overButton && mouseIsPressed && !buttonPressed){ gameState = 1; // Set which page to go to here buttonPressed = true; } // End of Intro Page break; // End of Case Statement case 1: // Begin Page 1 here fill(26, 13, 13);textSize(36); text("Joke #1",120,-10,145,100); textSize(23); text("It's always hard to explain jokes to kleptomaniacs because they take things literally.",92,0,224,334); // Draw Buttons drawButton('BACK', 5, 372, 50, 50); if(overButton && mouseIsPressed && !buttonPressed){ gameState = "beginning"; // Go back to Intro page buttonPressed = true; } drawButton('NEXT', 345, 372, 50, 50); if(overButton && mouseIsPressed && !buttonPressed){ gameState += 1; // Go to next page buttonPressed = true; } // End of Page 1 break; case 2: // Begin Page 2 textSize(36); fill(26, 13, 13); text("Joke #2",120,-10,145,100); textSize(23); text("What do you get when you cross a joke with a rhetorical question?",92,0,224,334); // Draw Buttons drawButton('BACK', 5, 372, 50, 50); if(overButton && mouseIsPressed && !buttonPressed){ gameState -= 1; buttonPressed = true; } drawButton('NEXT', 345, 372, 50, 50); if(overButton && mouseIsPressed && !buttonPressed){ gameState += 1; buttonPressed = true; } // End Page 2 break; case 3: textSize(36); fill(26, 13, 13); text("Joke #3",120,-10,145,100); textSize(23); text("3 logicians walk into a bar. The bartender asks, 'Do all of you want a drink?' ",92,-50,224,334); text("First Logician: 'I don't know.'", 126,146,150,100); text("Second Logician: 'I don't know.'", 110,194,184,100); text("Third Logician: 'Yes!'", 110,244,186,100); drawButton('BACK', 5, 372, 50, 50); if(overButton && mouseIsPressed && !buttonPressed){ gameState -= 1; buttonPressed = true; } drawButton('NEXT', 345, 372, 50, 50); if(overButton && mouseIsPressed && !buttonPressed){ gameState += 1; buttonPressed = true; } break; // Copy new page down to here case 4: // Begin Page 4 textSize(36); fill(26, 13, 13); text("Joke #4",120,-10,145,100); textSize(20); text("One day, Einstein, Newton, and Pascal meet up and decide to play a game of hide and seek. Einstein volunteered to be 'It.' As Einstein counted, eyes closed, to 100, Pascal ran away and hid, but Newton stood right in front of Einstein and drew a one meter by one meter square on the floor around himself. When Einstein opened his eyes, he immediately saw Newton and said 'I found you Newton,' but Newton replied, 'No, you found one Newton per square meter. You found Pascal!'.",32,53,367,323); drawButton('BACK', 5, 372, 50, 50); if(overButton && mouseIsPressed && !buttonPressed){ gameState -= 1; buttonPressed = true; } drawButton('NEXT', 345, 372, 50, 50); if(overButton && mouseIsPressed && !buttonPressed){ gameState += 1; buttonPressed = true; } break; // End Page 4 case 5: // Begin Page 5 textSize(36); fill(26, 13, 13); text("Joke #5",120,-10,145,100); textSize(23); text("One Roman walks into a bar and asks for a Martinus. The bartender says, 'Do you mean a Martini?' The Roman replies,'No, I think I would've said something if I wanted double!'",64,2,295,334); fill(26, 13, 13); drawButton('BACK', 5, 372, 50, 50); if(overButton && mouseIsPressed && !buttonPressed){ gameState -= 1; buttonPressed = true; } drawButton('NEXT', 345, 372, 50, 50); if(overButton && mouseIsPressed && !buttonPressed){ gameState += 1; buttonPressed = true; } break; // End Page 5 case 6: fill(26, 13, 13); textSize(30); text("Joke #6",120,-10,145,100); textSize(23); text("Another 5 Romans walk into a bar. The leader of them holds up 2 fingers and says, 'Five beers, please.'",64,2,295,334); drawButton('BACK', 5, 372, 50, 50); if(overButton && mouseIsPressed && !buttonPressed){ gameState -= 1; buttonPressed = true; } drawButton('NEXT', 345, 372, 50, 50); if(overButton && mouseIsPressed && !buttonPressed){ gameState += 1; buttonPressed = true; } break; case 7: fill(26, 13, 13); textSize(30); text("Joke #7",120,-10,145,100); textSize(23); text("The logician's wife is having a baby. The doctor immediately hands the newborn child to the father. His wife says,'Is it a boy or a girl?' The logician replies, 'Yes.'",64,2,295,334); drawButton('BACK', 5, 372, 50, 50); if(overButton && mouseIsPressed && !buttonPressed){ gameState -= 1; buttonPressed = true; } drawButton('NEXT', 345, 372, 50, 50); if(overButton && mouseIsPressed && !buttonPressed){ gameState += 1; buttonPressed = true; } break; case 8: fill(26, 13, 13); textSize(30); text("Joke #8",120,-10,145,100); textSize(23); text("(This is in my bio.) Entropy isn't what it used to be.",60,2,300,334); drawButton('BACK', 5, 372, 50, 50); if(overButton && mouseIsPressed && !buttonPressed){ gameState -= 1; buttonPressed = true; } drawButton('NEXT', 345, 372, 50, 50); if(overButton && mouseIsPressed && !buttonPressed){ gameState += 1; buttonPressed = true; } break; case 9: fill(26, 13, 13); textSize(30); text("Joke #9",120,-10,145,100); textSize(23); text("Jean-Paul Sartre is sitting at a French Cafe, revising his draft of 'Being and Nothingness'. He says to the waitress, 'I'd like a coffee, please, with no cream.' The waitress says, 'I'm sorry, Monsieur, but we're out of cream. How about with no milk?",60,24,295,334); drawButton('BACK', 5, 372, 50, 50); if(overButton && mouseIsPressed && !buttonPressed){ gameState -= 1; buttonPressed = true; } drawButton('NEXT', 345, 372, 50, 50); if(overButton && mouseIsPressed && !buttonPressed){ gameState += 1; buttonPressed = true; } break; case 10: fill(26, 13, 13); textSize(30); text("Joke #10",120,-10,145,100); textSize(23); text("How can you tell the difference between a chemist and a plumber? Ask them to pronounce 'Unionized'.",64,2,295,334); drawButton('BACK', 5, 372, 50, 50); if(overButton && mouseIsPressed && !buttonPressed){ gameState -= 1; buttonPressed = true; } drawButton('NEXT', 345, 372, 50, 50); if(overButton && mouseIsPressed && !buttonPressed){ gameState += 1; buttonPressed = true; } break; case 11: fill(26, 13, 13); textSize(30); text("Joke #11",120,-10,145,100); textSize(23); text("Why do engineers confuse Halloween and Christmas? Because Oct 31 = Dec 25",64,2,295,334); drawButton('BACK', 5, 372, 50, 50); if(overButton && mouseIsPressed && !buttonPressed){ gameState -= 1; buttonPressed = true; } drawButton('NEXT', 345, 372, 50, 50); if(overButton && mouseIsPressed && !buttonPressed){ gameState += 1; buttonPressed = true; } break; case 12: fill(26, 13, 13); textSize(30); text("Joke #12",120,-33,145,100); textSize(23); text("Werner Heisenberg, Kurt Gödel, and Noam Chomsky walk into a bar. Heisenberg turns to the other two and says, ‘Clearly this is a joke, but how can we figure out if it's funny or not?’ Gödel replies, ‘We can't know that because we're inside the joke.’ Chomsky says, ‘Of course it's funny. You're just telling it wrong.’",64,10,300,368); drawButton('BACK', 5, 372, 50, 50); if(overButton && mouseIsPressed && !buttonPressed){ gameState -= 1; buttonPressed = true; } drawButton('NEXT', 345, 372, 50, 50); if(overButton && mouseIsPressed && !buttonPressed){ gameState += 1; buttonPressed = true; } break; case 13: fill(26, 13, 13); textSize(30); text("Joke #13",120,-10,145,100); textSize(23); text("Pavlov is sitting at a bar enjoying a pint, when suddenly the phone rings and he jumps up shouting, 'Oh crap, I forgot to feed the dog!'",64,2,295,334); drawButton('BACK', 5, 372, 50, 50); if(overButton && mouseIsPressed && !buttonPressed){ gameState -= 1; buttonPressed = true; } drawButton('NEXT', 345, 372, 50, 50); if(overButton && mouseIsPressed && !buttonPressed){ gameState += 1; buttonPressed = true; } break; case 14: fill(26, 13, 13); textSize(30); text("Joke #14",120,-10,145,100); textSize(23); text("Helium walks into a bar and orders a drink. The bartender says, 'Sorry, we don't serve noble gases here.' He doesn't react.",64,2,295,334); drawButton('BACK', 5, 372, 50, 50); if(overButton && mouseIsPressed && !buttonPressed){ gameState -= 1; buttonPressed = true; } drawButton('NEXT', 345, 372, 50, 50); if(overButton && mouseIsPressed && !buttonPressed){ gameState += 1; buttonPressed = true; } break; case 15: fill(26, 13, 13); textSize(30); text("Joke #15",120,-10,145,100); textSize(23); text("Schrodinger's cat walks into a bar. And doesn't.",64,2,295,334); drawButton('BACK', 5, 372, 50, 50); if(overButton && mouseIsPressed && !buttonPressed){ gameState -= 1; buttonPressed = true; } drawButton('NEXT', 345, 372, 50, 50); if(overButton && mouseIsPressed && !buttonPressed){ gameState += 1; buttonPressed = true; } break; case 16: fill(26, 13, 13); textSize(30); text("Joke #16",120,-10,145,100); textSize(23); text("A Buddhist monk approaches a hot dog stand and says, 'Make me one with everything.'",64,2,295,334); drawButton('BACK', 5, 372, 50, 50); if(overButton && mouseIsPressed && !buttonPressed){ gameState -= 1; buttonPressed = true; } drawButton('NEXT', 345, 372, 50, 50); if(overButton && mouseIsPressed && !buttonPressed){ gameState += 1; buttonPressed = true; } break; case 17: fill(26, 13, 13); textSize(30); text("Joke #17",120,-10,145,100); textSize(23); text("A Higgs Boson walks into a church and the priest says, 'We don't allow Higgs Bosons in here.' The Higgs Boson then replies, 'But without me, how could you have mass?'",64,2,295,334); drawButton('BACK', 5, 372, 50, 50); if(overButton && mouseIsPressed && !buttonPressed){ gameState -= 1; buttonPressed = true; } drawButton('NEXT', 345, 372, 50, 50); if(overButton && mouseIsPressed && !buttonPressed){ gameState += 1; buttonPressed = true; } break; case 18: fill(26, 13, 13); textSize(30); text("Joke #18",120,-10,145,100); textSize(23); text("A programmer's wife tells him, 'Go to the store and get a loaf of bread. If they have eggs, buy a dozen.' The programmer comes home with 12 loaves of bread.",64,2,295,334); drawButton('BACK', 5, 372, 50, 50); if(overButton && mouseIsPressed && !buttonPressed){ gameState -= 1; buttonPressed = true; } drawButton('NEXT', 345, 372, 50, 50); if(overButton && mouseIsPressed && !buttonPressed){ gameState += 1; buttonPressed = true; } break; case 19: fill(26, 13, 13); textSize(30); text("Joke #19",120,-10,145,100); textSize(23); text("A neutron walks into a bar (sorry about the overdose of bar jokes) and asks the bartender, 'How much for a bottle?' The bartender says, 'For you, no charge.'",64,2,295,334); drawButton('BACK', 5, 372, 50, 50); if(overButton && mouseIsPressed && !buttonPressed){ gameState -= 1; buttonPressed = true; } drawButton('NEXT', 345, 372, 50, 50); if(overButton && mouseIsPressed && !buttonPressed){ gameState += 1; buttonPressed = true; } break; case 20: fill(26, 13, 13); textSize(30); text("Joke #20",120,-10,145,100); textSize(23); text("An electron walks into a bar. The bartender says, 'Why the long face?'",64,2,295,334); drawButton('BACK', 5, 372, 50, 50); if(overButton && mouseIsPressed && !buttonPressed){ gameState -= 1; buttonPressed = true; } drawButton('NEXT', 345, 372, 50, 50); if(overButton && mouseIsPressed && !buttonPressed){ gameState += 1; buttonPressed = true; } break; / If gameState is an unused page number, it will automatically default to here, on the last page :) */ default: // Begin Last Page fill(26, 26, 13); textSize(36); textAlign(CENTER, 0); text("The End",200,40); textSize(21); text(" 20 Jokes by Hades © 2014. ", 10, 60, 390, 390); text(" In tips and thanks, tell me the ones you didn't get and I'll explain them to you. Vote up if you got at least one of the jokes! If you didn't, well, vote up anyway.",12,84,400,113); drawButton('BACK', 5, 372, 50, 50); if(overButton && mouseIsPressed && !buttonPressed){ gameState -= 1; // Back 1 page buttonPressed = true; } drawButton('Beginnin', 345, 372, 50, 50); if(overButton && mouseIsPressed && !buttonPressed){ gameState = "beginning"; // Back to the beginning buttonPressed = true; } break; // End of Last Page } // If not pressing a button, change Boolean if (!mouseIsPressed) { buttonPressed = false; } }; // End Game Loop
Folds
Fork	false
Key	ag5zfmtoYW4tYWNhZGVteXIXCxIKU2NyYXRjaHBhZBiAgMD-tMygCgw
Votes	575
Spin-Offs	13
Type	PJS
Width	400
Height	400
User Flagged	false
Origin Scratchpad	null
Hidden From Hotlist	false
Restricted Posting	false
By Child	false
Author Nick	H̵̷̸̸̝̭̖̘̰̤͕͚͚́̉̎̒͛͑ͯ̄̀ͭ͝a̵̴̸̢̹̣̣͚̮̰̯̥̹͙̲͎̋̉̉̽͗͆ͬ̋͌̋͛ͥ̅̎́ͅḓ̴̴̱͎͍͙̜̜̝ͦ͌͐ͪ̍ͫ̀̉͋ͣͥͪ̇͛̍̿͐̾͟͠e̶̢̡̛̯̘̠̜͚͒ͫͤ̒͆̐͆͆̿͊ͫ̓̾s͌́̓͆ͭ̈́ͫͮ̏̋̈́͗͘͏̜̳͚͙͙̦̞̩̯͙̪̘̫̥̕͟͜
Author Name	NeuroSurgeon
Author ID	kaid_1143606808822856107936609
Author Profile Access	PUBLIC

Archive Data

Added	10 months ago, 1739448806687
Updated	8 months ago, 1744820767169
Source Deleted	unknown