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Title	This Is Not A Perfect World
ID	6724428602753024
Created	4 years ago, 1618423559421
Updated	4 years ago, 1629384847810
Code	/ This Is Not A Perfect World * * * I'll be taking a break from KA for a bit. Here's an explanation/apology of sorts: * * * * EDIT: why are you all being so sweet and nice to me .-. I don't deserve that from you. * * * I'm not exactly sure where to begin, honestly. You all think I'm so cheerful and encouraging and optimistic. Ack. So I'm an enormous confrontation avoider regarding literally everything, and I've developed a very unhealthy habit of using things to escape from problems. And over this summer, I essentially lied to myself and got away with using this little community as a coping mechanism. Life is difficult and full of suffering and pain and hard realities, and, as I have said, I hate confrontation, so I'd go hide in this fake world of fluff where there were no expectations or obligations or difficult decisions or painful repercussions. This is a nice little world where I pretended everything was perfect and wonderful and fine. I dealt with my self-esteem issues by manipulating people into liking me and telling me I was fantastic, I dealt with my anxiety and relationship issues by drowning them in mindlessly coding for hours or scrolling through pages and pages of programs, I dealt with the self-hatred that inevitably ensues from such behavior by creating a facade of myself for myself - basically decieving myself into believing I was this friendly, fun, non-toxic, perfect daughter and friend, and I dealt with more of my problems in more ways in more places to more people than I want to depress you with. Here's a fun fact, though: YOU CAN'T RUN AWAY FROM YOUR PROBLEMS AND REALITY FOREVER, AND EVENTUALLY YOU'RE GOING TO HAVE TO DO THE MATURE THING AND FACE UP TO IT. I've halfheartedly "tried" to do that before (some of you might remember when I said I was 'leaving' for 'school reasons.' Yep, that's me. Always avoiding having to own up to anything), but I'd just retreat right back into my safe little shell with my safe little perfect world. This environment in particular worked quite well for my terribly unhealthy habits, because there are plenty of lonely, insecure people whom I could use to make me feel better about myself and hide from reality in. So here's the lie: Life is difficult and full of suffering and pain and hard realities, but this fake reality is not. Here's the truth: Life is difficult and full of suffering and pain and hard realities, yes... but life is also full of deep joys and beautiful possibility and earthshattering growth that a shallow facade cannot begin to touch. It doesn't matter if I'm hiding from myself or working through things - the world is broken and life is hard both ways. The only difference is whether or not I will ignore it and commit mental and emotional suicide, or accept it and begin to grow. You have to come to terms with yourself. You have to come confront your demons. You have to have those difficult conversations. You must be truthful. I have, finally, been mercifully smacked and forced to acknowledge these things (thank you Avonleigh, and Zack, and Truman, and Luke, and Andrew. You guys are wonderful friends), and so I'll be taking some time to evaluate things and deal with life and stop ignoring people who care about me. I shall be back when I can handle stuff and I won't abuse this. Hopefully you can understand this. I'm sorry. And if you're dealing with the same thing I am, please don't do that to yourself. It doesn't work. You guys are quite great. Stay safe and wholesome <3 / function block(x, y, width, height, depth, clr, amt) { fill(clr); beginShape(); vertex(x,y); vertex(x + 5 depth, y - 3 * depth); vertex((x + 5 * width) + 5 * depth, (y + 3 * width) - 3 * depth); vertex((x + 5 * width) + 5 * depth, (y + 3 * width) - 3 * depth + height); vertex(x + 5 * width, (y + 3 * width) + height); vertex(x, y + height); vertex(x, y); endShape();// main shape beginShape(); vertex((x + 5 * width) + 5 * depth, (y + 3 * width) - 3 * depth); vertex(x + 5 * width, y + 3 * width); vertex(x + 5 * width, (y + 3 * width) + height); vertex((x + 5 * width) + 5 * depth, (y + 3 * width) - 3 * depth + height); vertex((x + 5 * width) + 5* depth, (y + 3 * width) - 3 * depth); endShape();// right fill(0, amt); beginShape(); vertex(x,y); vertex(x + 5 * width, y + 3 * width); vertex(x + 5 * width, (y + 3 * width) + height); vertex(x, y + height); vertex(x, y); endShape();// left fill(0, amt/2.4); beginShape(); vertex(x, y); vertex(x + 5 * depth, y - 3 * depth); vertex((x + 5 * width) + 5 * depth, (y + 3 * width) - 3 * depth); vertex(x + 5 * width, y + 3 * width); vertex(x, y); endShape();// top } function tri(x, y, s, h, c){ pushMatrix(); translate(x, y); scale(s/20); fill(c); beginShape(); vertex(0, h); vertex(40, 5); vertex(0, 27); vertex(0, h); vertex(0, h); vertex(-40, 5); vertex(0, 27); vertex(0, h); endShape(); fill(255, 30); beginShape(); vertex(0, h); vertex(40, 5); vertex(0, 27); vertex(0, h); endShape(); fill(0, 85); beginShape(); vertex(0, h); vertex(-40, 5); vertex(0, 27); vertex(0, h); endShape(); popMatrix(); } function pillar(x, y, s, l, clrA, clrB){ pushMatrix(); translate(x, y); scale(s); block(-2, 0, 0.5, l, 0.5, clrA, 54); block(10, -7, 0.5, l, 0.5, clrA, 54); block(-15, -7, 0.5, l, 0.5, clrA, 54); block(-15, -11, 3.0, 4, 3.0, clrB, 54); tri(0, -13, 7.8, -37, clrA); popMatrix(); } function flippedPillar(x, y, s, l, clrA, clrB){ pushMatrix(); translate(x, y); scale(s); fill(255, 0, 0); ellipse(0, 0, 5, 5); tri(0, -10, 7.8, 48, clrA); block(-15, -11, 3.0, 4, 3.0, clrB, 100); block(-2, -53, 0.5, l, 0.5, clrA, 54); block(10, -60, 0.5, l, 0.5, clrA, 54); block(-15, -59, 0.5, l, 0.5, clrA, 54); popMatrix(); } function lilypad(x, y, s, e){ fill(103, 204, 207); arc(x, y, 20, 11, s, e); } background(196, 255, 255);// water noStroke(); tri(108, 479, 25, 41, color(103, 204, 207)); block(58, 279, 10, 207, 10, color(103, 204, 207), 76);// large reflection pushMatrix(); translate(-2, 446); scale(1, -1); fill(90); beginShape(); vertex(132, 64); bezierVertex(133, 52, 145, 45, 146, 66); endShape();// door reflection popMatrix(); block(130, 239, 2, 143, 2, color(103, 204, 207), 76);// ladder block reflection stroke(0, 50); for(var y = 311; y<385; y+=4){ line(142, y+0, 148, y-4); }// rung reflections noStroke(); flippedPillar(216, 300, 0.70, 49, color(103, 204, 207), color(189, 254, 255));// pillar reflection block(205, 252, 102, 12.5, 2, color(103, 204, 207), 50); block(-10, 381, 2, 12.5, 43.1, color(103, 204, 207), 50);// rim reflection lilypad(244, 348, -45, 290); lilypad(311, 415, 105, 431); lilypad(198, 497, -161, 149);// well... obviously... block(295, 519, 2, 2, 23, color(103, 204, 207), 76);// bridge block(281, 525, 2.5, 128, 2.5, color(103, 204, 207), 76);// water pillar reflection block(291, 521, 0.5, 11, 0.5, color(103, 204, 207), 54); block(281, 515, 0.5, 10, 0.5, color(103, 204, 207), 54); block(300, 515, 0.5, 10, 0.5, color(103, 204, 207), 54);// spire things? reflection /////// BREAK ////////// fill(237, 222, 213); beginShape(); vertex(0, 381); vertex(216, 251); vertex(400, 362); vertex(400, 0); vertex(0, 0); endShape();// ground block(128, 209, 2.3, 2, 3, color(192, 240, 239), 76); block(48.2, 190, 12, 2, 12, color(192, 240, 239), 59);// bases fill(157, 217, 215); ellipse(135, 211, 4, 4);// shhhh block(58, -37, 10, 228, 10, color(255, 246, 237), 76);// large block(130, 64, 2, 143, 2, color(255, 246, 237), 76);// ladder block block(295, 501, 2, 2, 23, color(235, 255, 248), 76);// bridge block(291, 511, 0.5, 10, 0.5, color(255, 246, 237), 54); block(281, 505, 0.5, 10, 0.5, color(255, 246, 237), 54); block(300, 505, 0.5, 10, 0.5, color(255, 246, 237), 54);// spire things? block(281, 380, 2.5, 128, 2.3, color(255, 246, 237), 76); pillar(292.5, 352, 0.69, 49, color(214, 185, 180), color(255, 246, 207));// water pillar fill(80); beginShape(); vertex(130, 64); bezierVertex(129, 44, 139, 27, 140, 58); endShape();// door fill(255, 246, 237); for(var i = 11; i>0; i--){ fill(lerpColor(color(227, 223, 218), color(80), i/14)); arc(140, 62, 8+i, 1+i, 180, 268); }// shading into stroke(0, 50); for(var y = 75; y<209; y+=4){ line(142, y+0, 148, y-4); }// rungs noStroke(); block(205, 240, 39, 12.5, 2, color(235, 255, 248), 50); block(-10, 369, 2, 12.5, 43.1, color(235, 255, 248), 50);// rim pillar(216, 212, 0.70, 49, color(214, 185, 180), color(255, 246, 207));// um... the pillar... for(var i = 0; i<50000; i++){ fill(255, random(2, 7)); var s = random(1, 3); ellipse(random(0, 400), random(0, 600), s, s); } for(var i = 0; i<50000; i++){ fill(0, random(1, 2)); var s = random(1, 3); ellipse(random(0, 400), random(0, 600), s, s); }// lazy texturing lol var logo = [ new PVector(185+37, 184+29), new PVector(185+37, 147+29), new PVector(69+37, 129+29), new PVector(129+37, 254+29), new PVector(152+37, 276+29), new PVector(190+37, 268+29), new PVector(189+37, 255+29), new PVector(189+37, 240+29), new PVector(190+37, 236+29), new PVector(189+37, 229+29), new PVector(145+37, 230+29), new PVector(170+37, 229+29), new PVector(188+37, 229+29), new PVector(244+37, 205+29), new PVector(239+37, 130+29), new PVector(156+37, 121+29), new PVector(133+37, 117+29), new PVector(131+37, 101+29), new PVector(145+37, 91+29), new PVector(163+37, 76+29), new PVector(177+37, 78+29), new PVector(180+37, 91+29), new PVector(180+37, 95+29), new PVector(180+37, 99+29), new PVector(180+37, 103+29), ]; stroke(0); pushMatrix(); translate(370, 30); scale(0.12); translate(-200, -200); beginShape(); vertex(logo[0].x, logo[0].y); bezierVertex(logo[1].x, logo[1].y, logo[2].x, logo[2].y, logo[3].x, logo[3].y); bezierVertex(logo[4].x, logo[4].y, logo[5].x, logo[5].y, logo[6].x, logo[6].y); bezierVertex(logo[7].x, logo[7].y, logo[8].x, logo[8].y, logo[9].x, logo[9].y); bezierVertex(logo[10].x, logo[10].y, logo[11].x, logo[11].y, logo[12].x, logo[12].y); bezierVertex(logo[13].x, logo[13].y, logo[14].x, logo[14].y, logo[15].x, logo[15].y); bezierVertex(logo[16].x, logo[16].y, logo[17].x, logo[17].y, logo[18].x, logo[18].y); bezierVertex(logo[19].x, logo[19].y, logo[20].x, logo[20].y, logo[21].x, logo[21].y); bezierVertex(logo[22].x, logo[22].y, logo[23].x, logo[23].y, logo[24].x, logo[24].y); endShape(); popMatrix(); /* randomSeed(820); fill(255, 255, 255, 3); noStroke(); for (var i = 0; i < 50; i++) { ellipse(random(width), random(height), 400, 400); } loadPixels(); var d = imageData.data; for (var i = 0; i < d.length; i += 4) { var offset = Math.floor(random(0.46, 1)) * 200; d[i] = d[i + offset]; d[i + 32] = d[i + offset + 9]; d[i + 2] = d[i + offset + 7]; } updatePixels(); */
Folds	290,316
Fork	false
Key	ag5zfmtoYW4tYWNhZGVteXIXCxIKU2NyYXRjaHBhZBiAgL3R0Pr4Cww
Votes	255
Spin-Offs	4
Type	PJS
Width	400
Height	600
User Flagged	false
Origin Scratchpad	null
Hidden From Hotlist	false
Restricted Posting	false
By Child	false
Author Nick	Snarky Ghost
Author Name	EmmaXCII
Author ID	kaid_1128613546817829933939217
Author Profile Access	COACH

Archive Data

Added	10 months ago, 1739461142495
Updated	8 months ago, 1744845515221
Source Deleted	unknown